At Brooklyn Nature Days, language and the words we use to communicate are important to us: the words we choose, the tone we use, our facial expressions, and body language all matter. In uncertain times, it can be especially difficult to focus our words and gather together what we want to convey to our children. If you’re looking for some tips to help you navigate these tough conversations with your little one, we have compiled some below. We hope this helps, even a little bit.
Be honest.
If your child notices you feeling upset, don’t hide it from them. Children pick up on subtle emotional cues and it can be so much more anxiety-producing for them when we keep them in the dark. Speak honestly, using developmentally appropriate language they will understand. If you are speaking to a 3-4 year old, it might sound something like “I see you are noticing that I am feeling worried. Sometimes grownups feel scared and worried, too, but I will always keep you safe.”
If your child asks why they aren’t able to join us for classes in the park right now, you might say, “It isn’t safe for people to share close space right now. Let’s talk about what you like to do at nature class and we can try & do some of those things together.” If you are fortunate enough to be able to get out and take hikes in nature while practicing safe social distancing, ask your child to lead the way and be your nature teacher. Tell them their friends and teachers are missing them too and that their teachers are preparing for when we can be back in the park together.
Use developmentally appropriate language.
While children don’t need to know the number of COVID-19 cases in NYC, the specifics of government response, or the recovery rate, be honest while answering their questions using developmentally appropriate language & as few words as possible. For example, a 3 year old might ask “What is coronavirus?” A developmentally appropriate response can be “A new germ that could make a lot of people sick.” If they follow up and ask “Can I get coronavirus?” Be forthcoming without using alarming language: “By washing our hands and giving people a lot of space we are doing our best to keep our bodies healthy.”
Don’t go on and on with your answers. Be brief, succinct, and mindful of your child's reaction. Only give them the information they need at that moment. If your child moves on from the conversation, you can feel comfortable moving on as well.
Tell them they are safe.
If you are working from home while your child is also home you may feel pulled in lots of different directions -- it is common to feel half-present or half-engaged while trying to multitask between work and your child. Remember that it is not the quantity of time you spend with your child but the quality of the time you spend with them. Giving your child even just 15 minutes of your complete attention will make a huge difference. Make this extra time together special and comforting, child-focused and device free.
Tell them they are safe and you will keep them safe even when things feel scary. You can say, “I hear you saying that you are scared. I want you to know that I will always keep you safe.” Ask them: “What makes you feel safe?”
Be flexible with new routines.
Routines and consistency make children feel safe and secure which is what makes times like these extra challenging for families. In the morning, try and give your child an idea of what to expect or some activities you hope to do that day. Ask them if there is something special they would like to do (or give them 2-3 choices of adult-approved activities to choose from). Be open to creating new routines to fit into the changes your family is experiencing.
Creating a visual schedule can help a child feel confident in knowing how their day will go, and gives them a sense of control & ownership over the day. You can write down a list or create a board outlining the flow of your day and go over it with your child during breakfast. Be mindful of what works and what doesn’t and be flexible-- it’s ok to change things that just aren’t working for your family.
Use the benefits of technology to connect with classmates.
Continue your special routines and give them socially distant tweaks. For example: Special routines like Friday night pizza dates and regular play dates with friends obviously aren't possible right now, but you can buy ingredients and make pizza at home together and pretend you are running a pizza restaurant or have a Zoom hangout with friends and have a toy show-and-tell remotely.
Support their emotions.
If your child expresses to you that they miss their friends and want to go back to school, you can validate that by saying, “I hear that you miss your friends and your school. It is OK to feel that way. Is there anything I can do to help you feel close to them?”
Your child may have more moments of frustration, big tears or just go on a bit of a destructive tear as a result of lots of energy and over-stimulation from being pulled from their typical routines or being inside more than is usual. Show your child their feelings matter by taking the time to sit and listen, or just hold them. Feelings need to be felt and sometimes that means not feeling happy right now. Deep feelings aren’t always immediately resolved. You can tell them, “Sometimes sad feelings take some time to go away. I am here for you.”
Below are some additional language suggestions from vetted sources. We hope you can use these resources and our guide to help you get started. If there is a particular situation you are dealing with at home and you need some support (or you just need to talk), please feel free to reach out.
https://www.janetlansbury.com/2015/08/in-times-of-transition-our-children-need-to-feel-our-love-6-ways-to-help/
https://www.nytimes.com/2020/03/18/opinion/coronavirus-children.html
https://www.pbs.org/parents/thrive/how-to-talk-to-your-kids-about-coronavirus
Activities (we will continue to update this section).
Free app access from our friends at Yo Re Mi, who provide our music enrichment at Brooklyn Nature Days: https://www.yoremikids.com/app
At home nature crafts: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/507006870546454270/
Josh Gad (the voice of Olaf) reads children’s books: https://twitter.com/hashtag/GadBookClub?src=hashtag_click
Oliver Jeffers and the #stayathomebookclub on instagram live: https://www.instagram.com/oliverjeffers/
Be well, take care, and cuddle those nature kiddos for us. We can’t wait until the day we can be back in the park with them.
